The Missing

Do I miss her? Miss who? Good question!
Sometimes I do feel alone. Sometimes. But that is only for a moment. My life is centered around me, not around someone who is or isn't there and though I do hope I can adjust to life together as I did once, I can't shake off a feeling of relief when I see couples interacting; a feeling of relief of being single.
Is it the bickering, the nagging? Listening in on their petty squabbles not even worth half the fuzz they're making over it.
Is it the annoyingly exaggerated „see us being in love" that's so overplayed; an Oscar for best performance would be too less an award, while my acting skills wouldn't even earn me a razzie. Is it jealousy on my part? I believe not, genuine couples don’t seem to bother me.

Why that gets to me I don't know. I know I would play it genuine. You do not play a couple, you are a couple!
Is it the subtle underlying hidden messages that no enigma machine ever invented, past, present and time to come, can decipher, let alone humble yours truly.
Is it having to forgive, live through ,endure ,survive and accept her mood swings next to her periods, which, a guy, you have to accept them, because ...well...WHY? Because she's a woman and women come with periods. Period! She can't help it. Fine. But she doesn't have to bother me with it! A Dutch proverb comes to mind "Gedeelde smart is halve smart". Not that it helps.

Oh yeah, I really miss those days- <longing sigh> I really miss the days where she would ask "how does this dress look on me" and I would answer "l think red looks better " and she would respond "So you think I'm fat?"...No...I just think yellow doesn't look good on you. Oh how I miss those days.

I believe I have been single for so long now I cannot imagine living with someone 24/7. Living with her flaws, her peculiarities. Having to adjust myself, my lifestyle. Having to change. In all good relationships comes a time where you, the male figure, aren’t good enough anymore and you have to change.

The other day I was out with a couple of friends -two couples. While eating sushi, talking and laughing, it hit me -my epiphany. I realized what I do miss while being single. I truly miss someone to defend my flaws. Someone to talk them from very annoying into being something utterly cute. I miss someone to convince all my friends that I can't help it -that's just "me", as if I am beyond salvation. I miss someone who forgive all my flaws and quirks and love me for them.

You know, the same flaws and quirks she will try to change the minute she's ready for the next phase (marriage and settling down, kids; the same flaws and quirks she will leave you for, if you can't change overnight.