You looking at me? Or: how I feel like George Constanza on weekend days like this.

It’s Friday night, I’m out at a Theatre show, in the small but cosy theatre of Inter Amicos in Dordrecht! “Sodome and Virginie” is playing and a good friend plays Sodome. It’s a very entertaining, witty re-imaging of Romeo and Juliet by Daniel Prevost. 

Before the start of the play, nature calls. So I visit the restroom. Nothing unusual. Right? There’s urinary just behind the entrance(of the restroom)
and a ‘normal’ toilet at the far end. A pretty normal setup for a restroom. I go for the urinary, quick and easy (one of the many upsides of being a man). However, on the bottom the urinary are two white round things, lying on a blue/green rounded-triangular shaped net. At First you think ‘hey look, someone lost somethings”

I unzip the zipper, whip out Mr Lollipop and … just before relieving, I get a growing uncomfortable feeling that I’m being watched, which –of course –I try to ignore. Normally you’d aim for "The Fly", but no fly here. So I aim between the eyes. Wait a second…did I just say between the eyes. That’s when I realize what is bothering me!  “Holy crap, it’s looking at me!”

“You looking at me? I don’t see nobody else here: you must be looking at me?”* No response!

The impudence! The arrogance! The audacity! During the ensuing staring-contest, I hear an imaginary voice coming from the urinary: 

“I                     WILL                NEVER             BLINK              !”

TRIIIING!! Saved, by the bell. It sounds the start of the play. Shaken up I hurry into the auditorium…

During the break, a small stop in the restroom makes for uncomfortable relieving… I sneak into the restroom.

Yes, it is still watching, ogling up from the urinary! I have serious issues relieving myself when someone is watching. I don’t mind people being present, but being watched… on the fingers! That just isn’t right. And it doesn’t do well to wonder where to aim: right between the eyes or… Visions of a gurgling Kermit do not work well to any advantage. Lucky for me the toilet is also available!

Returning to the auditorium, I walk past the urinary, giving it wide berth. I throw it a long hard stare, making “I’m watching you” signs, before detouring into the cafeteria, ordering drinks and enjoying part 2 of the play.

Q: Ever lost a staring contest with a toilet?

A: I have.

There’s always a first time for everything.

So much for adventures in Restroom-Land. You’d think.

Imagine you’re in Fukuoka, Japan. You don’t speak the language, you don’t read the language and you walk into a bar and after a while, you go to the restroom. What would you think when you look up from the urinary and you see this right in front of you?

Has the world gone mad or is it just me?           

*the actual quote is: “You talkin' to me?? Then who the hell else are you talking... you talking to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? OK?”,
but we all know a toilet can’t talk, so it’s more the feeling of the scène than the literal re-enactment